be brave/growing up

WARNING: This post is all over the place (it's more for me than it is for you, my audience)

My last post which was a long time ago was about living in Casper for almost six months. Now, I have almost been here a year. Six months ago I would have told you that by now I would have gotten into a college in San Diego. I would also have told you how excited I was to move back to California. Time changes everything. I have learned how unpredictable life is. I have also learned that it's best to go with the changes that life throws at you.

As I continue my long journey through life I try to be brave. When you think about it, being brave seems like an easy thing to do. However, I am a very fearful person. I am afraid of the dark, of windows at night, trying new foods, meeting new people, talking in front of a lot of people etc. I have found it extremely challenging to be brave through such a scary time in my life. When I moved to Casper, all I wanted was stability and safety in a new exciting place. Instead, I was thrown into an unstable and frightening environment (in the most boring place on the planet).

Sometimes I feel blessed because life seems to be getting easier and easier with age. I have recently realized that life isn't getting easier, I am actually getting wiser which in turn makes things seem easier. Growing up was hard for me to do. I still find it challenging to try and act mature all the time. I still throw fits sometimes when I don't get my way. I have to sleep with blankets and stuffed animals, and as I mentioned before, I am afraid of the dark. I am so thankful to be twenty years old though. I feel lucky that I still have a mindset that I can do anything or be anyone I want to be. This way of thinking seems to get lost over time, so I am glad to have it while I can.

I have been watching a lot of reality tv lately. When I watch all these shows it's hard not to be jealous of all the things they have. I focus on all the things they have that I don't. Some of these things are material possessions (cars, cell phones, computers, clothes). Other things are not (fame and beauty). I found myself complaining about how I would never be anything like the famous girls on tv. My dearest friend, Emily, reminded me of how fake the people on tv are. Her opinion is that the people on the reality shows have no substance. They may have a lot of things that I don't have, but they don't have a real personality. I think that being famous forces people to become someone that they are not. Fame and fortune sounds so glamorous and wonderful sometimes (especially when you are a VISTA), but I wouldn't trade anything for who I am becoming as I am growing up.

Meg